Wednesday, January 20, 2010
she's never learned how to live for today
I am the kind of person who literally plans everything. I don't like to have to figure things out at the last minute, no matter how trivial it is. I'm not really sure why this is, but I think I just like to know what's going to happen next. I hate being surprised. Literally, hate it. There is nothing wrong with knowing what to expect... right? Until recently, I have never even considered that I would be at this place in my life that I am in now. As difficult as it is to admit, I have no idea what is going to come next. Which is so weird because two weeks ago I had it all planned out. But that's what happens isn't it? Life comes and laughs at all of our best laid plans. You know what I think though? I think it could be a good thing. No, scratch that. I think it could be absolutely amazing. Now, I can do whatever I want... something stupid, reckless, foolish, even selfish. I can figure out everything that I don't want and all of the things that I do. For the first time in my entire life, all I have to think about is today, and how I want to live it. It's an oddly freeing sensation. E.M. Forster once said, "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us," and I would have to agree. Try it.