I met B on my sorority Bid Day, the Saturday before I started college. By the time school started, we were already dating. He was charming, funny, sarcastic. Our first date was basically the two of us just being sarcastic assholes to each other. It was ridiculously fun. He was different than anyone I had ever met. He was always the life of the party and people loved him. Pretty soon, we were inseparable. During the first few months of our relationship, I started to get over my heartbreak from 5. I didn't speak to him at all and thought about him less and less, although never completely forgetting him.
But that happy, new, exciting relationship didn't last long. B lied to me and cheated on me and I took him back. The crazy part of it was that I thought I had control of the relationship because I could make him work so hard to get back together with me, but really all of it was his manipulation of me. I've always been the kind of person who believes that people change, so I always wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was a roller coaster relationship, we thrived on the drama. I stayed in the relationship, but always with one foot out the door. My first Christmas break at home, I saw 5 and every single one of those feelings that I had ever had for him came rushing back. Even the highest "high" that I got from my relationship with B was nothing compared to just seeing 5. But I was not about to put myself through that again, so I returned to college with a new found determination to make my relationship with B work.
B and I continued to date for about 2 more years and then in April of 2009, he proposed. I was thrilled when he asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes. Although, I had talked to 5 off and on throughout my relationship with B, I had tried to keep my distance. I told him when I got engaged to B, I thought he should hear it from me before it was on facebook and all that. He was mad, hurt, and then closed off. Whatever sort of friendship that 5 and I had managed to maintain in those 3 1/2 years was destroyed the minute I told him that I was going to marry someone who wasn't him.
The summer after B and I got engaged was rough. We were both living and working in Dallas but we rarely saw each other. Our relationship began to feel more like a business relationship than a loving one. I started to wonder if we were really in love with each other. Then I started to wonder if it was just cold feet. By the time December rolled around, I was so confused and stressed out that I could barely function. At the beginning of January I planned a trip with my friend Mallory to Kansas City. I needed a couple of days away from everything to really think on my relationship. The night before we left, I prayed about it and asked God just to give me peace of mind with whatever decision that I made, I was crying and praying all night.
The next day, as Mal and I were driving we were talking about B and the many many times that he lied to me in the past. Once we started to question some of the things that he had been telling me, we found out that nothing had changed. He had been lying to me about these huge things that we were planning our lives around. My entire life with him seemed to be completely made up. To this day his parents don't know, his friends don't know. They all think I'm this terrible person who got mad at him for one thing and called off our wedding without hearing his side of the story, which isn't the case. I realized that I had cold feet because I was about to marry someone that I didn't even know. Thank the Lord, I had the sense to pray about it and God gave me my answers, and with that, peace of mind. I never once questioned my decision. And it wasn't easy. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, because I did love him. But he wasn't The One.